I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Houston, we have a blender
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
