Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
