Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
