where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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