i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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