I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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