I didn't shave. On purpose
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Buhtt sex?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
