I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
