I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
