let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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