There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
