remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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