I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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