Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
