my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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