Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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