Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
