we have officially mastered the walk of shame
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
