He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
