The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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