no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
