Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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