we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
