yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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