idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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