I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
