She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
