i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
