dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
