is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
