first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
