drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
