Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
