you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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