you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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