It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
