he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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