An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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