bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
