i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
