Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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