1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
