there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
