For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
