I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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