these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
