Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
