He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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