i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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