I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
