literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
