Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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