lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
