Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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