was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
