She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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