he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
