Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
