were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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