i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
