nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize